The really disgusting post.

Dogs really like eating things.

Not quite like that though, although if Frankie could make PB&Js I bet he would.

No, dogs are more like this:

Poop is a favorite of Frankie's and winter is also apparently a favorite season of his because the geese surround our apartment and leave little treasures everywhere for him.

This is what humans see.

This is what Frankie sees.

Of course, goose poop is just one of many delicacies that Frankie enjoys.

This is the point where I have to warn you before continuing with this post-- things are about to get a lot more disgusting.

The faint hearted should not continue.

Frankie and I go running on trails every day. Most days the run is fine and uneventful. But sometimes, the combination of what I ate (being vegan you can sometimes accidentally eat too much fiber...) and Lyme meds causes intestinal turmoil and Mother Nature will suddenly give me a call I can't ignore. 

I'll dash off the trail and squat in a flash, but Frankie will be right on my tail trying to stick his nose directly under my ass. Shoving him away while squatting has undoubtedly strengthened my quads, but the real nastiness happens when I'm done and run back to the trail. Even if Frankie comes back to the trail with me it doesn't matter, the smell of the fresh, warm feces is too wonderful and he runs back to investigate...

"Fresh from the oven!" How Frankie perceives my shit.

Of course, Frankie is not limited to enjoying the feces of herbivores.

This may be another turn-around point.

Oh no, Frankie is also a big fan of the homo sapien menstrual cycle. 

I'm also a big fan of menstruating, just for different reasons than Frankie...

I use a trashcan with a lid specifically for female hygiene products and I try to close my roommate's bathroom door. Of course, Frankie is a clever little guy. One menstruating-day a few weeks ago, after a long day of work, when I came home I realized I had forgotten to close my bathroom door. Frankie had figured out how to press the button to open the trash can and he had unearthed all the treasure within. He even was considerate enough to chew most of it up into small pieces and spread it across my bedroom floor. Such a sweetheart.

Needless to say, I've become very diligent about keeping my bathroom door closed. Unfortunately, while I've become very focused on closing my bathroom door while menstruating I forgot to remind my roommate to do the same. So, while I was very focused on making sure Frankie couldn't get into my bathroom's treasure chest I forgot about her's.

Frankie didn't forget.

Earlier this week I came home to find her used pads and tampons chewed and scattered across the living room floor. I cleaned it up and closed her bathroom door thinking it was the end of it.

It wasn't.

You should be afraid for what's coming.

Yesterday evening I was walking Frankie and he stopped to poop. This normally is fairly quick process, he squats, shit comes out, I pick it and we move on. This time, he was squatting and really straining. He kept relocating in his squat position as if he thought a slightly different patch of grass would help it come out. I looked at his ass thinking maybe he ate some weird fibrous thing...

Hanging from his butt was the cord of a tampon marbled with shit. He kept straining and with effort soon the entire tampon-poop sausage was out. Yes. A full fucking tampon. Out of Frankie's tiny asshole. Yup. It really happened.

You made it. It hopefully won't get worse than this.

Dogs will be dogs.